我超不爽！！

hmm... this entry will be an angry one. ppl with heart problems, pregnant or if ur easily offended by my use of vulgarities, please stay clear. don't say i never warn you. lol.

i have to summarise, cos its a really long story, tat dates back to year 2005. tats the year i graduated rite? hmm.. i tink so lah, haha.
that year was a torturous one. not because of final semester at NUS. i wasn't worried abt school at all, cos i tink i handled studies quite well (haha so bhb). i knew i was going for just bachelor degree, so i just did my part as a student and everythin should be fine.

i had a friend (note: its past tense) who was in FASS, same year as me. oh, its the same person who borrowed my FRIENDS vcd. damn it. i'm jus gonna name this person as Beach**. (bitch? lol) Beach is not exactly from rich family, but she sure looks like one. the clothes, the bags, the make up etc etc, all quite branded. tat year, Beach was arranging with friends to go on a graduation trip to taiwan. i knew she had $ difficulties. and being a kay-poh n stupid idiot, i wanted to help, i even approached another friend Tyler**, to help out. at 1st, Beach was paisay, but den gradually took things for granted. i've never been to taiwan. and i love getting souvenirs. so i asked Beach to get me a small souvenir, she said "of cos lah, you tink i so bad dont get you anythin meh?"

somehow, our friendship started to go spiraling downwards. i was beginnin to wonder if it was even a friendship, cos it felt really one-way on my part. Beach said cos i pissed her off real bad. and i never heard from her since. wat the hell? at tat time, i wasn't mad at myself for helpin her in the 1st place. i was really pissed that she can jus say its my fault and den 拍拍屁股走人.

-1 year later-

Beach smsed my other friend, Carmen**, outta the blue. my friend was shocked to the max! in the sms, Beach said sth like "...just wonderin how u guys are doin. i know, weird thought rite?"
and the next day, Beach smsed me. guess wat? she wans to do financial planning for me. yes, Beach wans me to get policy from her. LOL. she said a seminar speaker was saying sth like must approach all ppl, otherwise, those whom didnt approach in the end kenna illness or watever, den will feel really guilty, like "if only i had gotten him to buy insurance".. tats why she looked me up. HAHAHA. my ass! i tink if i kenna heart disease (touchwood!) she also cant be bothered loh! let alone feel guilty.

-another year later-

which is present time. Tyler ran into some financial problems. i felt so bad, bcos it was me who ask him to help Beach out. i really regretted it. and i wanted to help him. but i don't have much liquid cash around. all i have are assets. so i asked Beach if she can do something. its abt time to repay me and my friend's kindness anyway. but Beach said she didnt TAKE anythin. its me who GAVE her the help. wat the fuck? isn't it the same? give and take is a 2-way thing. i can never "give" anythin unless the other party stretches out and "takes" it. u know wat i mean?

anyway, she jus said that she appreciated my help, but she doesnt expect herself to repay anythin she didnt take. WHAT??

ok so she said she appreciated. but action speaks louder, i heard her say that, but i'm sorry i just didnt SEE it. i had to ASK her to get me souvenir. and in the end? i didnt get anythin. i helped her so much, and yet i didnt get a thing! "of cos lah, you tink i so bad don't get you anythin meh?" really haunted me like hell.

i am so not good at face to face confrontation. im never good at argueing or quarreling. im jus not good with words. if i felt Beach was worth helping, den i dont mind at all. friends are meant to help each other. the thing is, she's definitely not worth my efforts, to think i was so nice to her in the past. damn it. so now i'm stuck. im obliged to help Tyler, i don't have Beach's ruthless guts to say "bye bye its not my problem". 所以, 我就是咽不下这口气, that i have to be the 倒霉鬼/戴罪羔羊 to clear her mess. everythin's spent and forever gone. i can never get anythin back from her. 我超不爽!

BUT to be fair to Beach, given that this was jus my side of the story, she said before that she would love to reciprocate, just that resources are limited. so she said if she has the chance one day, she'll do all she can to repay me.

ok babe, a shoutout to you: here's your chance to repay me, now that u have all the resources and financial ability. so come on do your thing!

long story cut short. im sorry if u blog readers didnt understand the whole thing, bcos its difficult to spell out every single detail. already tried my best to summarise. alot of other things i didnt mention, but year 2005 was a horrible one for me. and that incident's been bugging me ever since. for 2 years odd, every time when i'm alone on train rides, or when i momentarily 放空 durin nitetime in my room, Beach's act of 拍屁股走人 just creeps into my mind. and every time tat happens, a knot is tied somewhere in my muscles, i jus feel tense, upset n 闷. sigh, i hope 不会闷出病来. this thing's been clinging onto me like a burden draggin me down.

i really hope i can get some closure and MOVE ON and den never have anythin to do with Beach anymore.


** for privacy and protection, all names have been changed. lol.